Burgers and Beers

After months of searching high and low for somewhere to live that doesn’t feel like a bed bug’s paradise and without dodgy neighbors that stare ominously over the balcony as you walk into the building for the first time, we are closer to finding a place.

That’s not to say it was smooth sailing. The entire process felt like the scene from the recent Hunger Games when they are running through the woods and keep getting lit on fire, attacked by animals, and drowned by rain. Except real life booby traps come in the shape of grizzly plumbers. Needless to say the whole theory on landlords is officially valid.

See viewing number 2. It was the coolest area with brick streets lacking a lot of the original non-negotiables, but those have a way of being forgotten when there is a downtown view. Red flag #1, the door is wide open blowing in the wind upon entry. Red flag #2 A man’s voice upstairs echoes “the mold issue isn’t nearly as bad this time of the year.” and red flag #3 the neighbors door has a flag decorated with a naked woman on a pirate ship.

The place was the size of a closet and made the whole best view in town thing about as exciting as the closet sized bedrooms and the questionable nailed to the wall heating system. Rick the plumber was showing the place and didn’t say a word the entire time, besides the charming mold remark he just stared ominously like the balcony neighbors. Just when I would think I was alone to get a picture for the roommate I would see Rick’s wolf howling at the moon shirt out of the corner of my eye. The thought of that beard and t-shirt hanging around on a regular basis made me a little uneasy.



No thanks attic cellar apartment it wasn’t meant to be. As I snuck out of the house and start the car I get a text from Rick…”Burgers and beers if you’re still around?” The search was obviously going well.

Coping with a Rick:

1.Rick’s aren’t allowed to have access to your living space.

2. Burgers and beers would be fun if my name was Hank and we were going to a Reds game.

3. No response is probably the best response

While nothing screams first date quite like a burger and a beer, the Rick’s of the apartment hunting experience certainly add a little variety to otherwise lame apartments.


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